Катерина Птаха Kateryna Ptakha

"Photography appeared in 2011, and simultaneously <...> my son had been already diagnosed with autism, and we could visit a rehabilitation centre for free. Our centre director once announced <...>, ‘A prestigious Luhansk photographer wants to run a photography course for our children, so think it over.’ I thought, ‘Oh my God! God just gives it all to me.’ And he asks, ‘Katya, you wanted to be a photographer, didn't you? So go with Vladik, and learn.’ We were indeed the first ones to enroll in the course. We started to visit the classes with Vladik. The course was then run by Bazalieiev Yevhenii Mykolaiovych. He was, in fact, at that moment, in 2010, and up to 2014, one of the coolest photographers in Luhansk, you had to book him half a year in advance. At first he couldn't really get it why I was attending the classes. I mean, there was my child – ok, but why was I staying too? He asked, ‘Kateryna, is anything wrong? Why do you ask so many questions? And you even ask questions that are not related to the course.’ I was trying to turn it into a joke at the beginning, I was too embarrassed to confide in him that I wished to learn photography. But he once pinned me down and said, ‘It makes me uncomfortable to see you attending my classes. Clarify it to me – why are you doing this?’ I explained everything then. I told him, ‘I dream of becoming a photographer. I like your style and want to learn it from you.’ He then gave me a green light and said, ‘Fine. You want to learn? You can attend. I will teach Vladik according to the course, and I will give you a bit more.’ Then our classes started. We had our homework after each class, some creative photo shoot. So my first steps were very philosophical. Why isn't the snow melting right now? Why do women wear high heels? He gave us such interesting tasks. And I was having great fun. Then a moment came when he said, ‘Well, I think you are ready to become my assistant’. <...> It was 2012, no, 2013. It was in 2013 and I started to work as his assistant. I really worked with him on family shoots, or portraits, and had even been twice on weddings. But on these weddings I was not working as an assistant but as a second photographer. I mean, he let me dive into work, offer some photo poses for the newly wed. It was such a great furn for me. And then he gave me a green light and said, ‘That's enough, you can now go and earn some money.’ And my first job was... let me think of it. It was the beginning of winter. I think it was January, 2014, I had to take photos of a one-year-old at their home. I earned 200 hryvnias then. And that's all. That was the end of it, I mean, that was the end of my photographer career in Luhansk. The war broke out."

"At the beginning of 2014 people did not pay much attention to the events taking place in Kyiv. I mean, they did pay attention, I was paying attention, as well as my family, but we all believed it wouldn't go any further. And then, when suddenly one day they announced, informed us that the SSU [Security Service of Ukraine] office is seized, the city centre is blocked and all of that. And then new information came, that they had seized this place and that one too, because of SSU, all those police stations, military stations etc. March and April – it was all, you know, it felt so draggy. You couldn't understand what was going on. I had this feeling all the time, that it was all some kind of circus performance, that it was going to stop soon. And by the end of May they started to speak about people being dragged to cellars, it was so loud, that somebody had been kidnapped <...>, that some black cars were coming and kidnapping people. It was then when the military base was captured, and Luhansk airport assault began. And this was already... most of all, when the military base was being captured, it was already really scary. I don't remember the dates, it all got blurred. Was it before or after this plane got crashed, that IL-49 [76], I believe, what was its number? When boys died. These events happened very close to each other. Then I realised it was a nightmare, it was all serious. There was panic <...> My mother-in-law, she loved listening to the radio, and it was on her radio that I heard there was a column moving from the Shchastya direction. And what column? Whose column? You didn't have a clue. There is a column, there will be a seizure and ‘zachistka’ [a clearing operation] What ‘zachistka’? What seizure? I had no idea, but I was so panicked, I decided I needed to buy some pasta at that very moment. And I rushed to a shop for this pasta. Really, I was standing there, choosing my pasta and thinking, ‘Will they rescue me?’ I mean, I bought that pasta, a kilogram of pasta, and I was crying on my way home, because it was all very scary. And after that... Oh no, after that there was also... We had this situation with my ex-husband. We had a war and our divorce happening at the same time. And it all accumulated, and I saw my life being ruined from all directions: my private live, my own life and my city's life. When I finally decided to leave my husband, he asked me to check out of the house, so I took our children and we went to the passport office. It was my turn, I entered the office, while my kids were waiting on the corridor. And then Russians, militaries ran into the office. I really didn't get it that... I felt so scared when one of them pointed his gun at me. He sat... that is, he kicked the passport lady out, and sat in front of me. He sat so brazenly, spread his legs and pointed his gun at me. And I was sitting there, thinking: ‘Oh my God, I just came to check us out, that's all. I have such a disaster going on in my life, and now I can be killed.’ I was so scared, that these glass eyes... He watched <...> like a maniac. I was comparing him with a maniac at that time, he had this lust in his eyes, the alcohol, something like that, you know? I was sitting, looking in his blue eyes and realised, he was a Russian, our neighbour. But he was not looking at me, he did not feel any pity. And then I understood I could be killed and <...> he wouldn't even ask about my name. Then there was some commotion in the office, the passport lady started to squeal, he jumped up to his feet and I just flew out of that passport office, grabbed my kids and told them, ‘Now, we are running somewhere, we need to run off from here.’ I don't know, I think God <...> is protecting my life. I could have been dragged to a cellar, all passport office employees had been taken to the cellar, and all those people who had been waiting and had not thought of fleeing, like me, they had been taken, too. I don't know how... I had such a panic attack. I told my mom, ‘Mom, that's enough, I am leaving, I am so scared, I don't want to be here,’ I said, ‘my city is turning into something other. It is not my Luhansk anymore.’”

We came to the train station with Vladik. There was a queue on the street. We have a very beautiful train station, indeed, the Luhansk train station is marvellous, it is huge. And the queue started from the street, we had been standing there with Vladik for the whole day, it was a torture for me, because Vladik... it is hard for him to stand still where there are a lot of people. I later was angry at myself I had taken him there at all. But, thank God, we managed and it was my turn to come to the ticket window. I asked, ‘I need two tickets to Lviv.’ And she looked at me and said, ‘Tssss.’ Because I said it loudly, and she said, ‘Tsss... what date?’ Then it came to me that <...> again, God was protecting me, as I got to know later, even then there were a lot of those... patrols, as they called themselves, who were checking destinations, and they were taking those going to Western Ukraine, they were taking them to cellars. And I was like... Looking at her, and she showed me, ‘Talk quieter.’ I finally understood, and asked, ‘I need two tickets to Lviv.’ She told me, ‘There are tickets on the first. Two. Two tickets.’ I took those two tickets, rushed out, gathered <...> not a lot... of bags <...>. I took my photo camera with me, the most valuable thing for me. Vladik's car collection. Because since the very beginning, when we had been told about his autism, we decided to create a hobby for Vladik, to collect iron cars. I knew I couldn't leave them behind, as it was an expensive hobby, and, secondly, it was his world. And we took all of that. It was the day of our leaving, we came to the train station. I was brought by my mom and my brother. My mom refused [to leave]. I offered her, told her, ‘Let's go together,’ and she said, ‘No, it will be over soon, stop that’ <...> We came to the train station and I was standing there shocked, seeing these were not people but suitcases going, so many of them were there. Our train was waiting already, and my coach number was 22, the last one, can you imagine? Coach 22. When the train arrived and the door opened, people... well, it was like an avalanche. I was shocked, thinking: ‘God, where, how can I get there with a child…’ It was thanks to my brother, as he took my camera and the car collection straight on his shoulders and came in like a tank. He said, ‘Follow me.’ I followed him with Vladik, as it was impossible to come in, people were not letting anybody inside. We were sitting on one another. We sat at the window, my mom was standing outside. You know, during all this time, when all of this was happening, I never noticed how grey and old she had turned. And when we got on the train, it struck me I was leaving my city, I looked at my mom, and she... she was standing there crying. But she is so strong, she was crying and smiling. I looked at her and thought, ‘God, she has turned so grey over this time.’ She was just all grey. And then the lady conductor appeared. She said we would be trying to leave the station, but there was a heavy shelling. In fact, she told us, ‘People, we need to pray. We need to pray to leave the station, because ahead there will be... we need to leave now,’ she told us... Where did she tell us? I think she said, ‘We'd better make it to Debaltsevo.’ This is what I remember. There were heavy shellings between Luhansk and Debaltsevo and I was really scared then, thinking: ‘What if I don't make it? What if I don't get to leave? What if we will be shot now, and that's all?’ The train started. There were so many people in our coach – standing, lying, sitting, we were sitting on one another. And silence. It was hot, everyone was soaking wet, and silence. Indeed, it was such a moment. It stays with you forever. We started moving, having already left Luhansk behind, and I saw... well, through the window, it was not too close, but it could be clearly seen, all those explosions, shells falling down, exploding. Up till now... I recollect it... and think: ‘God, God, I need to get myself together,’ but it was panic. There are people who get ready in panic, but I am different, I can't control myself, <...> I understand, I can't cry as there is my child next to me, and I somehow got myself together and started: ‘Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name…’. And I was praying, and praying, and, thank God, we made it. We made it, and our train was going through Kyiv. Our coaches... three or four coaches that were going to Western Ukraine, were attached to another train later, so it turned out we did not have a direct train. We arrived in Kyiv and stayed there through the day, and closer to the evening <...> we were attached to another train and went on. Went on to Lviv. When already in Lviv, I called my mom and told her, ‘Mom, I am in Lviv.’ She said, ‘Remember that day, as it was the last train. You left in the last coach of the last train Luhansk-Lviv.’

"It was funny how I found my way around the city. I had such a phone, Nokia with buttons, the one I came with. It didn't support maps for some reason. So I drew maps in order to move around Lviv, because after Luhansk, although Luhansk is larger in area than Lviv, but I learned, drew those maps... Every morning I woke up and wrote a plan of movement, and I knew I had to stick to the plan, because I didn't know Lviv. I drew my routes, where to get on the bus, how to go, and I was walking with these sheets. When I bought an inexpensive Samsung with the first social benefits I had received in Lviv, it supported maps, so it became easier. I don't have any favourite places in Lviv. Because Lviv has been all about running around since the first days. Learn how to earn money, understand how to move, know the transport, how to get somewhere. I don't have my favourite coffee shop. My friend called me before the full-scale invasion, and told me, ‘My daughter goes to Lviv, make a list of places she should visit.’ I said, ‘Liena, I don't go anywhere, I work. <...> I can tell her where to work in Lviv, but I won't help with places to have a cup of coffee.’ That's why I don't have favourite spots. I have my favourite place of work – 'Fabric' photo studio. I constantly make photos there, I feel comfortable there, it is really a place I like to drink coffee at, to speak with my colleagues, talk... tell the administrator what I would like to see during the photo shoot, what type of light I need, what I plan, to share my thoughts, ask... ask for some tip, as they have a really cool team there."